I wasn’t quite sure whether to actually write an update post this week but then I remembered that documenting my journey to marathon day is about so much more than just the running. It’s also about the days when you can’t run or you don’t want to run; because in the end come race day half the battle is over coming the mental block in your mind.
This week I made it out for one run, 6.5 miles and that’s all I did, all week. I wasn’t injured or unwell nor was I particularly busy. I sort of wanted to run but just didn’t. The truth is I had a week of internal struggle and quite frankly was in a bit of a manic state.
It was my last day at work on Tuesday and I don’t yet have another job. For as long as I can remember I have defined myself by my career, my vision to be a Civil Liberties solicitor. It’s what I’ve been working towards for around ten years now. I’m starting to regard myself as a runner but in reality I haven’t yet even been running for a year so I feel like a bit of an amateur still. So without my job I have felt a little lost. I have done numerous jobs applications and had an interview at a very well regarded firm, which I have my fingers firmly crossed about but I’m not good with uncertainty and it’s causing me to be extremely anxious/ a little crazed.
I know everything will work out, just like I know that come marathon day if I have to crawl to the finish line I will because once I set my mind on something I’m determined but I’m also a worrier. I felt guilty every day for not running and worryingly at points I even felt guilty looking at Instagram, because it was a reminder that I wasn’t running.
I’m concerned that I’ve had two bad weeks of pretty non existent training but I need to focus on the benefit of having lots of time to go for long day time runs and get back on track.
Sometimes life throws a curveball and chucks you right out of your comfort zone. Week 12 is going to be spent learning to adapt.